Onward and Upward

And…I am single again…

The neurologist is gone. I am slightly relieved. I was still having trouble getting over being taller than him in heels. I think everything else will have to be perfect about a guy for me to get over that. It just feels weird. My friends are just too dang tall.

He ended it with a text message. Very classy. He tried to make up for that the next day, but I had none of it. Sorry, text messages are for tiny bits of unimportant information. Or even mildly important information. They are not for asking me out (you will receive a return message of “Call me and ask that, please”) or for breaking up (you will lose all future attempts to be with me).

I am not upset about it. It was just a month. But jeez, a text?? And then when we did talk so that I could tell him how rude that was (he had called me to see if I was “ok”…as though I was heartbroken or something…get over yourself, buddy!) he tried to drag the conversation out like it had been a serious relationship. Um, if you thought the relationship was that important, that it required real deliberation to discuss the ending of it, then why did you use the callous method of texting to break it off?

I have been trying to figure out what happened. What REALLY ended it, and I think quite honestly, he was intimidated by a girl who could keep up with him. He always seemed more interested in the domestic things I was doing. Gardening, cooking…good wifely things…than in my career. He even said I would “make a good doctor’s wife.” Which at first, I took as a compliment, but now I think it was just condescending. He wasn’t looking for an equal, he was looking for a wife. He walked into my house for the first time and said, “Wow, this is a REAL person’s house.” Uh, yeah. What did you expect? A rat hole?

I think, in the end he was just looking for a little Wifey.

His loss, because he’s right, I would make a good doctor’s wife…and photographer, and writer, and business owner…

Of Lovers Past

Three years ago I had one of the simultaneously best and worst days of my life. It was Valentine’s Day, and it had snowed. A few friends came over to my house, and we sequestered ourselved with board games and booze. We built snowmen, and threw snowballs, and met a very large Great Dane. It was a great day. But somehow, it decended into a devilish sort of fray by that night. This was when I was first dating Jeff. We had hit the 4 month mark, and while we weren’t seeing anyone else, we also weren’t calling each other girlfriend/boyfriend. (Sound familiar??) Without going into detail, let’s just say things went terribly wrong that night. Reservations were missed, clothes were left at the dry cleaners, and we broke up. We didn’t even make it to dinner.

It was truly a horrible night for me. But something made me stay in touch with Jeff (quite possibly all the friends we had in common!) And six months later, we decided to try again…As girlfriend and boyfriend, and knowing that if we got together, we were headed toward marriage. We lasted four months. Things went cockeyed again, and we realized as much as we loved each other, a marriage would be a bad idea.

The significance of that relationship had been somewhat lost on me for a long time. I knew it was important, I knew I loved him, I knew it was a relationship that would always mean a lot to me, but until this Valentine’s Day, I didn’t realize, he was the first and, to date, the last guy I have ever fought for. In the end, I am sure he would say it was me who ended it. That I got distant, and uncaring, but the reality was, I did that only out of despiration and sickness at watching the best thing I had fall apart and the person I cared about most, self-destruct over and over again. It was far easy in that last month to give up. I had realized the relationship would never be a happy one, no matter how much I tried. But prior to that, we had both fought and worked to make something of the relationship. We bent and gave and conceded, and in the end, it wasn’t enough. But I’ll be damned if we didn’t try.

I tried to tell him months later how much it hurt me to end the relationship, but he never believed me. He saw me as cold and calculating. Which is sort of ironic, because throughout our relationship, he had always beent he first to see right through me. But in the end, I manage to stuff my feeling so far down, that even he couldn’t find them.

Being dumped four days before Valentine’s Day last week, and realizing there was nothing to fight for, and that the biggest loss had been my Valentine’s Day date brought back my tortured relationship with Jeff. It made me realize how much I miss what we had, and how, as much as I fought to make it work, I could have fought harder. I don’t think it would have ever worked for us. We are just too much alike. But I think we could have gone farther. We could have loved each other longer.

So, to Jeff, a belated Happy Valentine’s Day.

I will always love you, even if I can’t be in love with you.

It’s A Brand New Day!

It’s amazing how much better Valentine’s Day is when you have a First (BLIND!!) Date the next day! I will be meeting the…umm…he needs a nickname…Here’s what I know so far…Lawyer, and musician (in a cover band that plays Dave Matthews Band, cause um, that that is so friggin’ cool!!)…He doesn’t sing the Dave parts. He plays guitar and keyboard.

Ok, so I am opening up the comments for nickname suggestions. “The Lawyer” sounds way too pretentious. I know several of you girls are good at this sort of thing, so I fully expect some good ideas…And guys, you are welcome to pitch in too, of course!

Anyway, so I am meeting him for drinks after work tomorrow. Aaannnddd…I am enjoying Valentine’s Day a bit now. I am such a sucker. Really. Oh well, emotions are emotions, and I can’t change that this is bringing a smile to my face.

‘ !

Once Again…

And…I’m single.

Err…I’m no longer in an exclusive but non-committed relationship with The Architect.

I can’t even call it a break up with that sort of status. But we are no longer together, and that’s all that matters. Four days before Valentine’s Day, he decided he didn’t see a future for us. Uh, I wasn’t sure there was one either but I enjoyed his company, and I wanted to have a frigging Valentine’s date for only the third time in my life…

(Oh and as a side note, don’t tell me Valentine’s Day isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be, because I guarantee if you are saying that, you have had many more Valentines than I have.)

However, there may be a potential new guy. No one has ever been able to claim I need to date more, have they? I haven’t met him, but he is a friend of some friends of mine, who they have been trying to set me up with for oh, a year now, but I was always with someone when I talked to them about it. So we’ll see. I may have a blind date in my future…

But for the next three days I will be avoiding all retail stores. I went to the supermarket today and was overloaded with red and pink and hearts. Yeah, I won’t be spending any money again until Thursday…

The Hotness Revisited–Dream Style…

Went to the Immunologist today. She is completely perplexed too. But she was very nice, and interested in the whole problem. She also is sending me to get a bunch of blood tests done to rule some things out. So tomorrow morning, I will be givin’ up the life juice to the Quest Diagnostics overlords.

In other, more amusing news, I had a wild dream last night. I was once again on The Amazing Race, but this time not only did I have a partner, I had Wentworth Miller for a partner! No shit! It was awesome! And at one point, to tell me how he felt about me without it being on camera–because apparently in dream world you can’t see things that are written in big black permanent marker on camera–he wrote on the back of a menu, “I LIKE YOU!”

YES!! Wentworth Miller Likes me!!!

God, I love dream world!

(And please don’t tell me how Wentworth Miller is gay because I won’t listen until I actually hear it from him!! He’s a straight, gorgeous, smart, hotty pototy until I learn otherwise!)

Doo-Ta-Dooo

It is so boring at work this week. The phones don’t ring, there are no appointments set up, and I have to do year-end paperwork. Bleck.

In other news, I made a neat little present for some of my friends this year. If I can remember to, I will post a picture of what I made.

In other, other news, I am going to San Antonio with The Architect this weekend. We are going to the Alamo Bowl to support our Longhorns. I have mixed feelings about this because the Alamo Bowl is a crappy bowl game, but at the same time, I want to support my team no matter what. Plus, it’s probably the closest bowl game I will ever get to go to with the exception of the Cotton Bowl. It will be a fun time though.

I also have mixed feeling about New Years Eve. Since we will be in SA, we have two options.

Option One is to go to Austin on our way back to Dallas and go to a friend’s party. I won’t know many people, and the one’s I do know tend to hit on me when they are drunk (regardless of The Architect’s presence), but it would be a nice party, and it is in a hotel so an easy end of the night commute. The Architect will know people here. Several of them tailgate with him.

Option Two is come back to Dallas on New Year’s Eve and spend the evening in Addison at one of our hang outs, and go to a nice dinner. This option includes most of my friends, and a couple friends who will be in from out of town. The Architect is getting to know these people, but is not full on friends with them yet. A cab ride will get us home.

I want Option Two. Given that The Architect says “let’s play it by ear” and “we’ll see” a lot when we discuss this, I believe he wants to go to Austin.

However, A) I don’t want to get hit on by those guys. B) I don’t want to drive back on New Year’s Day and have to work the next day. I want to lounge around recovering from my inevitable hangover. C) The Architect has been on vacation since the 15th. He will be quite rested. I have not. I want my New Year’s Day! D) I would like to see the friends who are coming in town.

The question is, how do I convince him to come back to Dallas for New Year’s Eve without starting a fight? Any suggestions? He’s a laid back guy. Not really a fighter, but I can tell we are not seeing eye to eye on this one.

A Rockin’ Weekend

Back from Austin (where I mobile blogged from yesterday)…I had a great time! AWESOME time! The Architect was awesome! We went to Wurstfest in New Braunfels on Friday night. I should have brought my camera, but I forgot it. It was a blast! Wurstfest is an Octoberfest type of festival, and the basic idea is drink beer, eat sausage, drink beer, dance, then drink beer. I got rather intoxicated! And then, THEN, after I was already commenting on my intoxication, The Architect found a quarter, and challenged me to a game of Quarters! Quarters must have been his major in college because the boy never missed…and I was practically chugging my beer to keep up! I am CERTAIN he wasn’t trying to get me drunk because I already was! 😉

Saturday, I dragged him to the Co-op so that I could buy some Christmas presents. After the Co-op craziness, we headed to the tailgate which was full of beer, jello shots, food and washer tossing games…5 hours of tailgating later, we headed to the game. Exhausted from the tailgating, we wound up leaving the game in the third quarter, but we had a great time.

Overall, the weekend was really good! The Architect keeps pleasantly surprising me, and I just feel so calm and comfortable when he’s around. After an entire weekend together, I still want to see him again as soon as possible. If I hadn’t had to get ready for the HGTV shoot, I would have hung out with him the rest of the day today. Just say this much though, makes me worried I will jinx things, so cross your fingers for us! Oh and wish me luck on the TV shoot!…No, better yet, wish me good make-up and camera slimming clothing!!

What Happens When You Ask a Boy to Carve a Pumpkin

Before I carved my goofy little guy, my friends and I had planned on carving some pumpkins together. But beer got the best of us, and well, the pumpkins didn’t get carved so much as they got stabbed…

Tidbits

Going to Austin today! The Architect has an extra ticket to the game, so I am going with him! Yay! The only problem is that I am not sure how I am going to post tomorrow. Maybe I will be able to find a computer on campus when I drag the architect to the Co-op…

This should be an interesting trip. As my friend Jenny says, the fastest test of a relationship is to go on a trip with someone…Well, considering we have been dating for all of a little over a month, I’d say this is the Speedy Gonzalez version of relationship testing…

In other news, did I mention I will be on HGTV soon? I am filming an episode for one of their TV shows on Monday. I’d tell you which one, but I am afraid they are going to say my street address, and well, sorry Internets, the TV world may get to hear my street address, but you do not. I will try to take some pictures of the process though! It should be a lot of fun! Oh, and just so you don’t get your hopes up, it’s not one of the shows where they redo my living room. I don’t get much out of it, except, I get to say my home was featured on HGTV when I sell it, but it should be a neat experience!

Hook ‘Em Horns!

Dinner Club + Boys = Hottie!

Did I tell you my friends and I are doing a dinner club? Well, we are. It is called the Too Much Sexy Dinner Club (after our old volleyball team, Too Much Sexy). We go to a different restaurant each week, following certain rules. We actually have written rules! The most important of which are:

1) No chain restaurants
2) Each week a new Host will be drawn at the end of dinner and that person must roll the alphabet die (courtesy of Scattegories)to see what letter the next week’s restaurant will begin with. For instance, if you rolled “I” you would have to find a restaurant that began with that letter.
3) The meal must be available for under $20, or two $$ on GuideLive

So this week, we went to Fireside Pies. They make gourmet pizzas in wood burning ovens. Tasty…

I thought this was just going to be an ordinary Dinner Club, but after we had a drink (Peach Sangria…yumm…) I learned that a particular boy would be coming who rarely came around. He is a friend of one of my friends from their college days at small university called The University of Texas…He is also an Aerospace Engineer, and deadly cute. I mean cute to rival Wentworth Miller and Johnny Depp. I mean Melt-Me-With-His-Eyes cute. I mean, so cute I can hardly stand to look at him. I mean so cute, my stomach does tightrope walking, trapeze artistry, and trampoline jumps all while balancing on the backs of butterflies…THAT cute.

I met him a year ago, but at the time, he was interested in a friend of the friend that introduced us. He was off limits, even though she wasn’t interested in him…Crazy girl!! But she is now engaged, so he is on limits again. Over the past year, we have run into each other several times. Each time, one of us has been dating someone. Each time, I get that rush of feelings that make me want to break up with whoever I am with. Right then and there. And possibly by text message just so I can end it faster. But brain cells prevail and I don’t do that. Then he is gone again.

But Wednesday night, he was there. Single. And I am single. The date with the architect earlier that day had gone well, but Hottie wiped that from my memory.

There was one person between him and I, but he was sitting at the end of the table, so we were able to talk some, although the arrangement meant it had to be a group conversation so I couldn’t lean over and whisper “would you please remove me to the backroom and ravage me with your strong arms and piercing eyes.” I had to make due with conversations about TV premiere week, and reminiscing about UT. I was a blubbering idiot. I felt like I was in 8th grade in the lunchroom sitting across from the hottest guy in school.

BUT, he looked at me a couple of times and caught my eye. Not just looked at me. Looked at me THAT way. That look is burned in my memory and I can literally close my eyes and see his looking back at me. His beautiful eyes.

I have made it very clear to our mutual friend that I have a massive crush. She has informed me that he thinks I am cute (by passing me a note under the table in physics class, of course). And she has obliged me and offered to set something up this weekend so that we can hang out.

I don’t know if this will go anywhere or not. But a year after meeting him, he still intrigues me, and I still find him indescribably hot. So we will see. It definitely made Dinner Club interesting…