Just Do It

So temptation won out. I am doing it. I am moving, whether I have a job or not, the first or second week in November. My God, what have I done?? I woke up a few nights ago in a minor panic over how lonely it will be. Granted, I work with just my parents, so work interaction isn’t much even now, and I spend many nights of the week at home alone, but it dawned on me that even the little interaction I do have will be gone. At least temporarily. And at 3am, that’s a lot to swallow. Luckily–and this is proof that all of this is the right decision–I fell back asleep in about 10 minutes.

I am sort of in disbelief that I have decided to do this. It’s scary and exciting. Luckily, it’s far more exciting than scary. I am going to wind up blowing through my savings to make this happen, and virtually everything about my life will change. But the goal here, is that it will change for the better.

When I moved back to Dallas, I was still reeling from my father having had cancer (which took a solid year to hit me), and 9/11 maiming the city I was born in. A little over a year later, I broke up with my boyfriend on Valentine’s Day, and 4 months after that, I started this blog to cope with a life that wasn’t exactly as I had intended. It helped a lot. But recently, it dawned on me that that is why I started this blog. Because I wasn’t happy. Basically, I haven’t been happy since a few months after I moved back to Dallas. This city has almost brought me more bad than good. The only real shining spots were buying my house on my own at 25 and making a lot of friends. Some of whom are of the best kind. But mixed heavily with those good things were the bad. And there was a lot of bad.

It is time to do this. But, just when I start to feel the weight of it all shoving my feet into the ground, someone comes along out of the blue and tells me the are proud of me, or that they are in awe that I am doing this, or, and this is my favorite, “you have some really big balls” to do this. And quite honestly, he was right. I do have some big balls to think this will work. To sell a house in a down market, move without a job, and sell half of my furniture, just to try something new. Just to get a fresh start. And on top of that, to think it’s perfectly worth it to do everything I am doing.

I have no idea if this will work, and there is always the possibility that I will hate it, or that I won’t find a job, and I will be back here. But if I didn’t try this, I think I would regret it forever.

“Yes, Billy, your mommy once thought of moving to a new city and starting over all on her own, with nothing but some furniture and a couple of cats, but then she chickened out, Billy, and she stayed right here in the Big D and continued living a boring and uneventful life in a place she never really liked to begin with. But of course, it was all made worth while because I had you!” {soft gagging noises}

That will not be my life. That is for sure.*

So here is to new adventures, and in the paraphrased words of Ray Bradbury, jumping off a cliff and building my wings on the way down.

__________

*I do plan to have kids, but I won’t do it to the detriment of not having done some exciting and new things first.

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