In the great big world of What-The-Fuck-Is-Wrong-With-Me we now have the following information following the large chunk of Downtown that was removed:
- I do not have anything wrong with me that my very smart, very sweet, yet completely lackinging in helpfulness doctor can find.
- I do not have pre-cancerous cells (Buh WAH?? pre-cancerous cells?? Who said we were looking for those?? Ohh…You, my Lacking-In-Helpfulness doctor? You were? But gee whiz, you didn’t tell me that! Oh, you were trying to not make me worry? Oh how sweet of you. NOW FIND OUT WHAT HE MOTHERFUCK IS WRONG WITH ME BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN WORRIED FOR TWO YEARS!!)
- She wants me to go to an Immunologist (study of or pertaining to immune systems and their function) because my immune system may be fucked.
- She wants me to get tested for Diabetes!!! Oh holy shit. New worries. Motherfucker. Diabetes??? Now everytime I pee one too many times I am going to think it’s a symptom. And every time I crave a carb, and every time my toes go numb on the ellyptical at the gym (do you ever have that happen?) and every time I get a little shaky hungry, and every time I am tired.
- Oh funfucking times.
I talked to The Architect about this last night (oh did I mention? We are still together. We are exclusive but not girlfriend/boyfriend…no, I have no idea what that is about…) So anyway, I told him about it all and needed some support and sympathy. He did his best. In true guy fashion, he didn’t understand that what I really needed was someone to just bounce words off of and hear “everything will be ok” in return. But he got the hang of it. I think it sort of surprised him, because as we all know, I am Miss Independence. But he handled it well. He told me something though that I just don’t know how to do. He told maybe I should just stop worrying and leave it up to God. I mean it’s a classic concept in religion, but you know, I don’t think I have ever done it? And where is the line between proactively helping God but not worrying and proactively helping yourself and worrying?
(Sorry for all the cursing, but dude, it’s how I feel right now.)