Could you please slow down? We miss you. I am tired of parties that keep me up until 4am. I used to like to mingle at your parties, going from group to group getting some lovin’, looking up at my adoring fans and telling them how my existance is futile without them, but lately, I’d just rather sleep in the middle of the party. Their love just ain’t the same these days.
Could you also please, oh please, oh please, oh PLEASE let me outside? I love it out there. I tell you all the time how much I want to befriend that squirrel and Blue Jay that live in the backyard, but you just ignore my pleas. Why Mom? I love the dirt on the side yard Mom! Come on, let me roll in it!! And the grass! It’s tasty! And the basil, I like that too.
Oh and do you think I could have more of your time to cuddle? I miss you Mom! This morning you sat down for 5 minutes and ate your breakfast on the couch and didn’t you notice? I was next to you the whole time!! I really wanted you to stay home today so we could curl up on the couch with a movie. I wouldn’t have even clawed your chest when I climbed off of you. Promise!
Oh, and could you please get rid of the Sugar Ants in the kitchen? I saw you put down those little white dome things, but mom, even the ants think those are toys. Get serious. They like my food! Do something quick, or I will be forced to bring in back up and make Brody eat the whole colony!
Love you Mom.
Missing you, even though I am too tough to admit it.
Momma, I looovee you. I even sat with you last night. I misssss you soooo much. I even want you to pet me! And love on me! Where have you been, Momma??
Could you please not have anymore of those loud parties though? I know you are home, but they scare me. I get so scared, Momma! I can’t even sleep!
And the scary sucking thing? Can that go too? It scares me.
And the brushing thing?
Oh and the chair with wheels?
And that human with the loud voice?
And the plastic bags?
And the thing that blows hot air? That scares me.
Luka says I shouldn’t be scared, but I can’t help it Momma.
But, oh, could you get rid of those little black crawly things, Momma? They are eating my food, and I need my food! I love my food! LLOVVE it. So love it. It is SO good. But not with the black crawly things. I hate them Momma! They scare me! And I need my Foooooddd…What is life with out yummy food? Luka told me I should eat the little crawly things, but I don’t wanna! Luka is mean. He always picks fights. Can you make him go away? NO, wait! I love him too Momma. I want him to stay.
Please just get rid of the Scaries, Momma.
I love the food you give me, Momma.